Monday, November 21, 2005

PRIDE- I SWEAR THIS EGO IS A B^*&&^!

I am not the author of todays post, one of my dearest friends sent this to me to share with others on my blog. I wish I had some good advise for her but yall know I've got my own issues. True story, she call me up on Saturday to vent, I am usually the one bitching and she listen and comforts me but the tables were turned and I don even know how to be there!
Baby girl...I guess all I can do is listen and just know when ever you feel like venting...... I am all ears!!


Ok. I’ve been laying low with my thoughts but I just had to send this for you to post cause I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I read your question on the cheating thing and going through my own sea of thoughts I really had to stop and ask ‘What is it that keeps us doing things that we shouldn’t or don’t even want to do?” Then it hit me! Some have said low self esteem but I think it also swings the other way. Some people reading this might think I don’t have an ego or there’s no pride in me, but dare I say we all walk with a degree of pride that manifests itself in different forms. Some are more blatant than others and some are so silent and such a part of who we’ve trained our mind we are that we don’t’ even see it and we resort to saying “oh that’s just me” or even worse, we cloak it under the guise of self worth. Let me explain: I’m a firm believer in not settling for less, recognizing your worth and all the self affirmations out there. But I think it is this same affirmation that pushes us into that fine line called pride. SO we pump ourselves up and when things and people come into our lives, we have this “I deserve it” or “Can’t happen to me” mentality because I’m this and that: “I have this degree and I shouldn’t have to work that kind of job”; “I’m so good that I have to be the only one or he/she wouldn’t cheat on me”; “I’m a kind person and people have to like me”… I think a bunch of the heartaches we endure are self inflicted and we don’t even see it. Example (since we’ve been talking about relationships I’ll use that): There’s the person that u never really paid attention to until everyone else was trying to get at them so u say I’m gonna get them (ego). You get them & y’all start kicking it and things are cool. Then you drop in ever so often looking fab and playing the seductive roll so that he/she gives in and you prove to yourself once again “see how much he/she wants” (ego). THEN you find out you’re not the only one! Now your mind’s all messed up and you’re wondering how could this happen (ego). You’re all wrapped up in trying to understand that you forgot the fact that you DIDN’T want them to begin with, that you know there’s no future with them and that you know there’s someone more deserving of you. Let’s not forget the fact that you said you were done the last several times they were a jerk, or the time you messed up and said God if you get me out of this, I won’t go back, or those subtle gut feelings you had that said let it go or the dream you had showing you to let it go. NOOO. You’re still caught up trying to figure out how and why me or why not me. Even worse, after all that, you’re still toying with the idea of going back there again. Now what in a sane person’s mind would cause us to go through all that trouble/mess/heartache for something we don’t need or necessarily want and STILL want to hold on? Then some scriptures popped in my mind: “When pride cometh, then cometh shame” “A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit” “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall” Dare I say it’s our pride- the pride that says this couldn’t have happened to me or it must have been a mistake so I’ll give it another try to prove that I was right and that obviously he/she/they think more of me that they’re putting out. It is this same pride that causes us to put up with things, people and get in situations that we know better. Usually by the time we realize how deep it is we’ve already experienced the shame and fall. But I think God permits us to go through these mistakes to remember that no matter how highly we think of ourselves, we’re still human and our natural instincts are still active. To show us that we need to constantly rely on Him to give us the ability to discern when we’re acting in pride and to grant us the humility to know when to bow out. SO for all of us that have messed up, will mess up, or are messing up- Leave it up to God cause He’ll still get the glory out of our mess, He’ll bless and use us IN SPITE of ourselves and we’ll come out stronger on the other end and be a witness to someone else falling so they know they’re not alone and it too will pass. Now some of us may have several retakes and may even get knocked back a grade, but if we study to show ourselves approved, we WILL, not might but WILL pass the test.
OK- that’s all for now. post away
Posted by Queenb :: 11:08 AM :: 2 comments

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