Friday, December 02, 2005

Date from Hell!

I got the most random phone call last night; I was in a mellow mood waiting for my egg to boil. I had this craving for indomie with boiled eggs and mixed vegetables, don’t ask, I have not been able to kick Naija out of my system, not sure I even want to but I digress, so my phone rings and I almost ignored it cause I did not recognize the number, but that would mean ignoring all calls cause I recently replaced my phone and cant remember anyone’s number. Anywho it was a 301 number so I am thinking its one of my hommies right? Wrong!!! It was a guy from like 2002. I wasn’t sure what to say to this dude, thoughts of him bring very disturbing memories I’d like to keep that way. So I try my darnest to be polite as per an early start on my New Year resolution. He told me he just came across my number and he wanted to see what I was up to. I told him life was dandy and that he caught me at a bad time because I was about to clock in at my 3rd job (hey…that was the best I could think of) I promised to call him over the weekend. After hanging up I replayed the horrid details of my encounter with this dude, I was laughing so hard it I started to cry…. literary at what my love life had reduce to, mehn I garishoes.

Aight so here is the story…..My boss at the time, who you will hear more about BTW, decided to hook me up with one of his friends, I figured why not, I was newly single and he was Nigerian…sounds like a plan, I mean worst case scenario…we don’t click and errybody goes their way.

The guy calls me up and we chat on the phone about the usual, what do you do, where’d you go to school, what do you do for fun and crap of the sort. We decided to go out that Friday because we both had the day off and I had plans to go out of town for the weekend. I wanted to make it a day date so he picked me up at about 3 for a late lunch.
I dressed very casually because it was like 100 degrees outside and we were just doing lunch and a movie.
Molayo was at school and my girlfriend was over my crib. I looked in the peep hole as he knocked and all I could see was a huge head, I became very nervous and asked my girlfriend to get the door and say that I had an emergency, she was like “hell na”!
I opened the door to find this 5 foot guy standing there with stained buck teeth and dressed in brown slacks and a peach leather coat (did I mention it was 100 degrees?). We exchanged greetings and headed out. He asked me where I wanted to eat and I was planning on going to Lex but I dine there so often, I could not bear to take him there dressed like Bobo the clown, so I suggested Cheesecake Factory, he said the wait was too long and I agreed. Then I suggested my TGIF and he said their food was lousy, at that point I told him to pick a place because I pretty much eat all kinds of food. He said he remembers me saying I liked Chinese food and he knows this great spot in Arlington(Please note, I lived in Lanham Arlington is about an 1.25 hours away). I figured it must be a fabulous restaurant so I agreed. After driving for about 15 minutes I started to sweat so I asked if he could turn the air on, he politely informed me that the AC in his car did not work and I should roll down the window. By the time we got to Arlington I was drenched in sweat. I patted my forehead dry as we headed to what appeared to be a carryout! Oh hell na! Please tell me this bama did not just drive my ass 70 miles to come to a carry out! I sat quietly as it donned on me that this shit was happening fa real! I picked up the paper menu to order because I really was hungry as hell and to my dismay everything on the menu was $3.60! Is this a freaking joke? I ordered beef with broccoli and bottle water and the cashier told him the cost and the next thing I heard was….’water is $1.25?’ he asked the cashier with disbelief. I found an empty table and ate in silence. After the meal, I was ready to go home, I told him I was exhausted and we should do the movie thing another time. He asked me if everything was alright and I said yes and he said he has really been looking forward to this date and I should go see the movie with him. I felt bad and I agreed. At the theater he asked me for my student ID! Huh!!!!No he dirent! I looked at him alarmingly and then I said “Its 5’o’clock! It’s a matinee and you can’t get a student discount, its $5.00!” he laughed and said “Oh OK”. It was a Chris Rock Comedy but I could not laugh, I was just thinking about the 100 things I’d rather be doing. After the movie I insisted he take me home. He had the nerve to ask me if I had a good time….AS IF!!! I thanked him for lunch and the movie and told him I did not think we should see each other again, he looked disappointed, I was furious, and I could not wait till Monday to tell my boss about himself.
On Monday I marched in my boss’ office and he smiled and asked me “how’d it go?”
I looked at him pissed as hell “ Are you kidding me? What did you think me and your friend possibly have in common?” I told him about my date and he laughed so hard he fell out his chair! I guess the joke was on me.
Not sure if there was a lesson to be learned from that experience and I am usually not judgemental but Dayum!!!! I aint saying I’m a gold digger but I’ll be damned if I mess with a broke niggar!
Posted by Queenb :: 11:32 AM :: 14 comments

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