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Thursday, May 26, 2005My life as a homeless heifer!Why in the hell did I get home on Monday and found no light, no water? I’ll tell yall why; my dumb ass forgot to call the utility company! I love my new haven but you cannot get phone signal to save your life! I have one bar when I sit on the toilet with my head between my legs or when I stand on the line that divies the kitchen and dinning room! I am still trying to find other hot spots! So anywho, I called up my light folks and the best they can do for me is the next day! I pack my shit and bounced to Seyi’s house, he was not very happy to see me, I would be cramping his A game (who cares?). I called for the water to be turned on Tuesday only to find out those MOFO also have a 24 hour turn around time! Never mind there is not water for me to wash mi hind! I decided to impose on Seyi an extra night but he sooooooo was not having it, so I crashed at Dupe’s even though her ass was working overnight. I must say, I truly do not like staying in other folks crib; you always forget essential shit like toothbrush and sanitary pads! Day 3 of my homeless crusade, apparently the water company detected there was a faucet left running so they were unable to turn my water on! WTF!! Once again, I packed my shit and headed to Dare’s crib with Omolayo and the newest addition to my family…Oyinade, I figure I switch up my shacking spots so as to not overstay my welcome. We are now on day 4! Since my ass cannot be home to tell the water MOFOs that there is no faucet on, I will have to wait till Lord knows when to get my water on!  
Monday, May 23, 2005Here I go again....I moved this past weekend! Again God rocks!! Never mind the miraculous circumstances in which I found this fabulous joint I get to call home, THE BIG MAN made it so that my moving turned out to be a fun fest! I had enough money to cover the expenses and splurged on goodies for my supporters! Big Ups to the BIG MAN UPSTAIRS!!! I want to say a big THANK YOU to BIG POPPA foremost, you don did it again! O je ki oju timi, ogo ni fun oruko mimo re!!! Tuoyo…big bro…you showed up and helped and I did not even have to ask but you came through! Seyi….A big thank you to you son! You fully represented! I lo’ you boo!! Oyinade and Lolade…my sweet muffins! I drove yall crazy, kept you up all night and worked you to death but you stood strong…thank you!! Dayo and Niyi…thank you guys so much!! If you ever need me just holla! My world is all right knowing folks like you got my back!! Bambo…you came you saw and you worked your cute butt off…thanks boo! Funmi, my Dawg, I appreciate everything you did, it will be your turn soon so count me in as #1 laborer. Aduare and Ndidi…I had mad fun last night! Thanks for the creativite thinking and manual labor… and Aduare…thanks for helping me find the right size! J Lai…good looking out bro, I couldn’t have put that crap together without you! Last but definitely no the least Dupsy baby! I thank you… Molly thanks you! You did a fantabulous job with her room…I owe you one. I promise yall…this is my last move till I buy mine or I get married which ever comes first!
Friday, May 20, 2005Here I go again!So I am moving again this weekend! I know, its like I move every freaking 3 months! Na but this time it's legit. I feel the need to liberate myself from folks, you know be more independent, it's about fucking time! I will be 30 in 3 years! So the moving thing is semi-complicated and I'd rather not get into it so I won't, I just know I did the best thing for me and that's all anyone needs to know. My leg is alot better, its a bit swollen but my ass is addicted to 4 inch heels so I ain't helping matters. I tried to rally up folks to help me move but everyone's got something to do this weekend so I am....um.....royally fucked!I wont be losing any sleep though because BIG DADDY always comes through! I had this fight with my sister the other day (what else is new) the problem I have with the ol'girl is that she never fucking listen! She will just get majorly upset and I can't get one word in, I did not feel like getting cursed out so I called a truce. Its very unlike me to throw in the towel but some battles are just not worth fighting. I just hope she reads this and understands that it is not my intention to judge her, I just have some views that are different from hers and I would like the opportunity to express them without hell breaking loose! So I had a mimi yard sale the other day, I made a pretty penny too, I just figured with my moving and all it was time to part with some things that I really had no use for ....that way I can make room in my closet for my addiction....shopping! It is like wwwwaaaaaaaaayyyyy past my bedtime and I start moving tomorrow so it may be a while before my Highspeed get connected!
Tuesday, May 17, 2005Bitch Slap the Ass Wipe!I will be the first to admit I can be pretty irritable, but there is this bitch at work that is getting on my damn nerves! God help me! I think the heifer is bipolar or bisexual or both. She irritates the shit out of me! She comes at me with this passive aggressive type shit and I am like .....just be straight and have some balls! I hate it when people are freaking wishy washy, say what is on your mind and save the drama for your grand mama! I also hate pretentious Mofos! Do I look like I want to make friends? Why do people feel the need to fake the funk? The bitch in subject is even worse that the bitch from my Comcast, at least with that bitch I knew where I stood but this fool....AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH! I feel a dire need to Bitch sLAP HER asS!
God loves the mess out of me boy! I am telling you, His favors are boundless! I always go through rough times, its seems bad things only happen to me and I never get anything I want, but that is the selfish ungrateful B speaking, the real B would say " God is good and his mercies endures forever! I have a roof over my head, I have a great job, my daughter is smart and healthy and beautiful, and all those not so fabulous things that I go through like a blood clot, a lost love or living arrangement dilemmas, just create greater opportunities and fulfillment in my life. I was on the phone with a friend of mine for like 4 hours yesterday whining about all the wrongs in my life and he reminded me of all the instances when extraordinary things have occurred. He made sense and I felt bad but it totally changed my perspective on things. I just want to say thank you!I have a lot to be thankful for and so do yall ;)
Sunday, May 08, 2005Serenity Revised"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me"
WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a feeling of control over her destiny... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to fall in love without losing herself... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... HOW TO QUIT A JOB, BREAK UP WITH A LOVER, AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship: 1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. 2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid. 4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. 6. When you are confused - I will use little words. 7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. 9. When you are broke - I will lend you some money with collaterall... but your ass better pay me back or I will keep the collaterall and end our friendship! This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask, because you are my friend.
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