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Thursday, December 29, 2005Dear Lord...It me again!Father, in 2006, I want my refrigerator to look like this  And my pantry… like this!  This lord is my solemn prayer! I went to one of my friend’s house the other day and these are actual pictures of her pantry and fridge! No they are not having a party....it is always like this…I mean Dayum!!!!...it reminds me of Iya Risi Provisions and goods store in Alade market. So to All...I pray.....May you always have food on your table and may your fridge and pantry be fully stocked…always…Amen  
Christmas this year was way different than it’s been the last few years. I usually spend my Christmas moping about all the things I did not get this year but I tried a new system and it was exhilarating! Hell if I knew it would be this way I would not have been a grinch all those other Christmas’. I was still shopping Christmas Eve, getting Molayo some presents to put under our artificial plant and makeshift Christmas tree. I convinced Omolayo that she did not need to take a picture with Santa, cause that was really Mr. Eugene from next door playing pretend…I think she bought it. Oyinade got Molayo the build-a-bear teddy she has been going on about forever.  I can’t believe those things are that freaking expensive! I pitched in for some shoes for the damn bear and it was $8! Hell to the Na! Okay so after shopping we went to Remi’s house my dawg  Lola was in town and I had to pick her up. Ade made a mean Efo Stew for her man and I helped them eat it so it wouldn’t waste...LOL. We headed home to get ready for church in the morning…my baby was acting in a play and she was one of the angels. Come Christmas Day, we scurried to get ready for church and nearly missed Omolayo’s part in the play, to everyone’s shock Omolayo refused to go on stage…”I am scarred Mommy!” she said amidst tears. I told her it was all right and she did have to perform. I spoke with my family and my mum was stressing the fact that they were having such a great time and I was totally missing out. I spoke with my sisters and brothers and my niece and nephew. I decided to cook for Christmas last minute, and everyone came over for Christmas get-together.  Tuoyo, Dayo and Dayo were leaving for another Christmas party and I decided to follow them, I left everyone in my house and Lola and I promised to be right back. I did not get back till 10pm and by then they were all gone. Hey I did not have an absolute blast but it was definitely a very merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005I see cheap people!!!!!!!Hmmm…..so Merry Christmas and all that stuvs! Finally our Christmas Party at work on Thursday! Anywho…. I did not win the nano at work…some other story won so I was a bit disappointed. My Secret Sante gave me a huge jar of candle and a candle warmer…I love it! We were told to bring an extra gift between $15 to $20 for Dirty Santa…incase you’ve never heard of Dirty Santa, I will explain. Everyone brings a wrapped gift with about the same value, in this case $15-$20. We then draw numbers to see who gets to go first. There were 25 people that decided to participate, #1 goes and picks a gift, unwraps it for all to see and then #2 can either take #1’s gift or pick a new gift from under the tree. #3 can take either #2 or #1’s gift or get a new gift etc until we get to #25 who can take any of the 25 gifts or take the last one under the tree. Once another person takes your gift, you must go and pick a new one under the tree. #1 gets to go again at the very end and take any of the 24 gifts the others have…..gerrit? Anywho I was #8 and I took #1’s smoothie maker, I have always wanted one and I figured all the Oyinbo’s probably had one. I was pleased with my choice and sat down only for #12 to come and snatch my smoothies maker!!! I now had to go get another gift from the tree…..and lo and behold…it was a bottle of Lucky Brand perfume! Did I mention it was a tester bottle? As in the fucking sample size! As in 00.17 ounce! As in Hell to the NO!!! Arrrgggghhhh! It really, really, really, bothers me when folks do shit like this! I mean come the fuck on!!! Let me just add that participation in dirty Santa was optional and the rules were clearly stipulated o! Why in the hell would anyone be such a cheap ass! I continued to look in the bag because I was sure there had to be more to this gift. I could not hide my disgust at the trifling ass that even bothered!  This is actual size O!  The actual look on my face! That heifer was trying to mess with my ho ho sensation…I aint let her though, shuuu I went to the mall and bought myself a big bottle of Isi Miyaki
Thursday, December 22, 2005Merry ChristmasAs the year comes to an end I can’t help but acknowledge the great things God has done for me, many of which I haven’t deserved but you know how merciful my Savior is. I am blessed with a family that loves me, a child that adores me and friends that make my life worth living. I have a roof over my head clothes on my back, and food on my table. I am in good health and high spirits and to God be the glory. I like to thank everyone in Blogville for the love, the hash truths and the laughs we’ve shared….you make blogging worth while. I want to thank my dearest friends the fabulous 6 you know who you are. I appreciate you for all you do to make my world alright. I even want to thank the haters, your existence validates me. I want to thank E ….baby you have been a true friend and I appreciate you and all you do. Charles….I know I am the biggest pain in your butt but I am glad you came into my life. Omolayo dear…baby, I love you, you are my life, the happiest moments aren’t complete if you aren’t by my side (beyonce), I am glad God chose me as a vessel to give you life, I love you more than anything and anyone in this world and I pray that you will make me proud. A special holiday shout out to my brother Gbolahan….I am glad you reached out and I am sorry I missed out on your life, I will do my part to make sure we stay family. To my sister Nikky…I am sorry for everything, regardless of how far apart we drift….know that I will always love you. Oyin and Gbemi….yall know I have mad love for you and I am soooo glad we are blood. Elisa…May God bless you as you have blessed me and embarrass the hell out of you with His Grace and Mercies. Mummy dearest….you are my rock, my role model, I would be most grateful to God if I can be half the woman you are, your endurance and integrity is remarkable…you are everything I hope to be! Thank you Dare, for all you’ve taught me, I hope the New Year brings you good tiding and you find everything you are looking for. To my babies, Lolade, Dammy and Oyinade….I am sooo proud of yall and I pray God will guide you in your paths always. I hope I didn’t forget anyone…if I did…get over it! Hehehe Yall have a Merry Christmas!!!
This year I will; Get closer to God Eat better Exercise Take my drugs Take better care of myself Stop smoking Improve my relationship with my self Improve my relationship with my sister Clean more Be true to myself Get better grades Lose Weight Buy a new home Read more Humble myself Paint more Cook more Get a tattoo Take a vacation ..........so help me God.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005FaCT oR FIcTIONAs part of our holiday rara, we are playing this game called fact or fiction. You are supposed to list two stories about yourself and one of them should be fiction and the other true and your co-workers are to guess which is which. This would be easy because oyinbos are so gullible! I still had one ask me the other day how my hair grew so fast? @%#*&#^)(??? Anywho so I listed my two stories and I could hear them in the lunch room trying to figure out which one is true. Story one: My grandfather married 25 wives had 106 children and 399 grandchildren of which I am 302. Story two: I am heir to an oil field in Nigeria, but I cannot cash in till I get married and stay married for 6 years and have 3 kids. The buzz around the office is that Story two is the fact and Story one is fiction! Buhahaha if them dolos only knew! Oil wetin? I wish!!! hell if I had that kinda dough coming, my ass would not be here playing games with white collar folks! I’d be laid out in Maui somewhere taking Don P baths and being fed grapes….shuuu! I will leave them to their guessing game. The person who gets the most facts right and the one who is able to fool the most people will get a nano! Yall better bring it, cause you know my ass is winning!!! I guess my other story sounds unbelievable too huh? Well that one is a fact! My grandpa did marry 25 women! Yes he had 106 kids! At the last count the grand children were 399! Damn we have a big ass family! My grandpa died when he was 112 years old! I’ll let you know how it pans out tomorrow, wish me luck.
Monday, December 19, 2005Evaluation of the 05Feel free to copy me and evaluate your person on the year 2005. As a yearly tradition, I evaluate myself and make some resolutions fro the new year...I never keep them all but I try. Surprisingly my year is ending on a good note. I usually get majorly depressed around the holidays...but this year I am feeling pretty good! Oluwaseun. 1. What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before? I told my sister off...kinda regret it but she asked for it! 2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope, Yup 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Na 4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope 5. What countries did you visit? None 6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? A faithful man 7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Tuoyo’s birthday….day I discovered I was so so naive 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I squashed my beef with Remi 9. What was your biggest failure? There is not enough room to write 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Lots 11. What was the best thing you bought? My gold shoes! 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My boo boo Molayo   13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Omo Ibo 14. Where did most of your money go? Shoes 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My Camera and new cell till I found out I can't text! 16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Ayefele….Remi and Moji wore that mess out this year mehn 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Happier ii. thinner or fatter? fatter iii. richer or poorer? Richer 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Go to church 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Shop 20. How will you be spending Christmas? With my Dawg Lola, E and Princess O 22. Did you fall in love in 2005? A few times….I am a hopeless romantic 23. How many one-night stands? One night werrin? 24. What was your favorite TV program? ANTM 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I hate no one…I dislike several people. 26. What was the best book you read? He’s just not that into you 27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? India Ari 28. What did you want and get? My Camera 29. What did you want and not get? An A in my classes 30. What was your favorite film of this year? Crash 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to dinner with some friends and the big 27 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Everything I didn’t get 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Hey! I held it down 34. What kept you sane? My vision 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Tyra Banks….I know a lot of folks hate on her but that bitch is doing it! 36. What political issue stirred you the most? Tsunami 37. Who did you miss? God 38. Who was the best new person you met? Toyosi and Charles 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Don’t be too vulnerable….cause folks will take advantage of ya dumb ass. 40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year…I’m Every Woman!
1. When is my birthday? August, 30 1978 2. What is my favorite food? Eba and Efo 3. What is the one thing I would change about my self? My boobs 4. What is my favorite slang? Warefa 5. What is my fetish? Shoes 6. What is my greatest fear? Fear of being alone 7. List 6 of my best friends Moji, Remi, Simmy, Thelma, Imade and Bisola 8. One thing you know about me that no one else knows….I have no secrets, not even one! 9. What is Omolayo’s middle name? Feyintoluwa 10. Who is my celebrity crush? (Pick One) Taye Diggs, Djimon Hounsou, Ashton Kutcher, Mos Def, 2face….Mos Def .....And the winner is ......Remi.....you will get a special present from Santa this Christmas Remi!!!
Friday, December 16, 2005LalalalalalaI am bored. I have read all my emails, called all my friends, chat, went for a walk and I am still bored. Its the end of the year and my office is a joke, everyone has gone bye bye and now I am sitting here about to loose my mind cause have crap doo doo to do. Maybe I should go for a ride....hmmm yup thats it! I am going for a ride..see yall later!!
Thursday, December 15, 2005The Ho Ho Virus...In the name of Christmas....So what if I caught a bit of the HO HO Virus this year! I am usually the Christmas grinch and I was so enjoying my title until my co-workers blackmailed me into this Secret Santa BS. So today I got a gift card to chick-fil-a…that is just sad! They know my hefty ass stay hungry! People were getting snowballs, candy, mugs and other HO HO paraphernalia but nooooo…give the African girl some food! you know they are starving in her country LMAO!! I aint mad though…..I will be cashing in on my gift card any minute now!! HEHE and I wonder why I can’t shed the extra 10 lbs that has taken permanent residence on my butt! Okay so as a tradition, I post this same entry come Christmas. This christmas you're all getting forks I've stolen from numerous restaurants with a note attached saying: if anyone asks, you didn't get this from me. So there, or better yet, I'll give you stolen napkins cus I may be able to milk some money out of that homeless guy down the street for those forks...sorry. But this year, imma be nicer and actually give a gift to the person that gets the highest score on my “what have you learnt about Dqueenb” questionnaire. Just post your answers in the comment section. ****To all my anonymous Domo’s……eh you can’t win if I don’t know who the hell you are! **** What have you learnt about QueenB 1. When is my birthday? 2. What is my favorite food? 3. What is the one thing I would change about my self? 4. What is my favorite slang? 5. What is my fetish? 6. What is my greatest fear? 7. List 6 of my best friends 8. One thing you know about me that no one else knows 9. What is Omolayo’s middle name? 10. Who is my celebrity crush? (Pick One) Taye Diggs, Djimon Hounsou, Ashton Kutcher, Mos Def, 2face ***My boss just passed by and told me I was doing a great job! Hmmm if he only knew? HEHEHE
Wednesday, December 14, 2005Hook-up 101So I was chatting my cousin yesterday and he was asking me about all the fine chicks on my page and how I can hook him up! I thought for a moment and since my wrath has no bias I put him through the drill. I am famous for hook-up, its what I do, I have been successful in hooking folks up and they end up married however I haven’t managed to hook myself up. I have had a few hook-up mishaps like the one time I hooked Mo up and the dude was sweating in AC! Really bad perspiration problems!! Man! And then there was the dude I hooked LA up with that was always high on marijuana…I did not see that one coming. And how the hell was I supposed to know that other dude didn’t speak English? Hell its his second language now! It’s so bad that my dearest friends have banned me from hooking them up; they were starting to feel like a charity case. My guy friends are sick of me and “Oh I know this chick that would be perfect for you”. One time I called this dude up out of nowhere and I was like “I saw you the other day, noticed you had a little something about you and I think you and one of my best friends will make a cute couple” I know when I started, dude must have been like damn this chic is forward, I bet he was disappointed it wasn’t me! HEHE LMAO!! Hell I even do International hook ups. I hooked my Ace T up with my Dawg Akin and they lived happily ever after. If only I can just hook my damn self up with a man worthy of me. Aight back to cousin….so I was like okay K you need to send me your resume so I can match your skill set with a viable candidate. He was like "what you want to know?”. I started with Age? How tall are you? How much do you weigh? Are you fluent in the English language? Can you write it? Are you legal? Are you Nigerian? If so where about? Any baby mama lurking? Do you at least have a BS? What do you do? Annual Income? Do you own a property? Is your car paid for? Where do you live? Can you relocate? How is your credit? Blood group? Blood type? Is your mother deceased? Any female siblings? How long was your last relationship? Are you a democrat? What is your estimated net worth? Other than me, are you related to anyone fabulous? (He LOL at that one) I typed furiously to make sure I had captured all the need to know bases. Please attach three recent photos (front view, side view, and traditional attire) I don’t know what happened but I think he blocked me from his IM!! ??????
Tuesday, December 13, 2005Are you a good blogger?I read a very interesting topic on Ore's Blog about blogging and she offered tips about being a good blogger. I don’t know if I want to be a good blogger, I blog because for me its therapy, it used to be my safe haven to pour out my thoughts and let those without bias into my world. These days it’s more of an entertainment avenue for me but sometimes I want to write something so bad but I can’t because almost everyone I know reads my blog and I will definitely hurt some feelings. Oh how I really want to blog about the chick who betrayed me and the heifer who copies me and the fake ass who talks about me behind my back and smiles in my face and the cowards that sent me a text message from an unknown destination. I especially want to blog about the guy who broke my heart and the one who wants to marry me despite my faults and the one I hate to love and that one dude that has remained in my radar through it all. I really want to blog about what I did last night. I want to blog about my sorrows and how it hurts to not be what you envisioned at age 14. I want to blog about my spending habits and the friendships I question. I want to blog about the girl that looks like a baboon and the one with a jacked up hairdo and the one that looks like she gets dressed in the dark. Oh how I want to blog about that insecure chick that is so so cute but has an ugly complex. And the guy that made a pass at me though he’s got a girl and I really want to blog about my plans for the future. I want to blog about those who mistreated me and those who dare to judge me without taking a good look at themselves first. I really feel the need to blog about the pompous asswipe that had so much shit to say about me and hadn’t even met me. I want to blog about the ones that lied to me and those that repeatedly take my kindness for a weakness and use it to their advantage. I want to blog about my weakness and compromising my principles. I really want to blog about my family and how we’ve grown apart. I want to blog about my dream and where I see myself in a few years. I probably should blog about my fear of the unknown and how sensitive I am. I want to blog about my addiction and what I am doing about it. The list goes on and on….but instead; I settle for metaphors and hypothetical rants because I refuse to be that faceless coward I detest so much.
Sunday, December 11, 2005Another jumpoff!What started out to be an uneventful weekend became a fun filled one. I was supposed to go to MD for the weekend for Wande’s going away party and as usual I procrastinated on buying my ticket until it became ridiculous. Anywho I rented a car on Saturday and drove down to MD. Besides the party, one of my girlfriends from Naija…Lola Lana was visting the states and this may be my only chance to see her. I got to MD at about 7pm and went straight to Mo’s house to change for the party. Moji had left for the party so I let myself in and changed quickly. ****Side bar, I did not make any stops on my 4 hour drive to MD even though I had to pee really bad, I hate using public restroom and I have been particulary hesitant since my cell phone incident, Argh!!! Anyway I rushed to Moji’s crib and ran up three stories only to find I had peed on myself! At freaking 27! Oh hell na!! I can't tell Molayo that I had an accident, I will never hear the end of it! Feel free to laugh at me….its all good!**** Anyway back to my trip. After a quick show and glamming up, I headed to Seyi’s house to see my Dawg Omolola! She was just like I remembered, we screamed and yelled for about an hour before I headed to Wande’s house. The party was aMaZiNg with the usual suspects in tow. I even saw my boy Niyi there. The food was bananas and the DJ was on point, taking us back forth through eras. And let me tell yall about the FOINE brothers in the hIZ-zOUsE, it was vicious but the tall dark and lovely ones I usually dig were either married or bout to be! Dayum!!! I was exhausted from my trip so I packed a greedy-man size to-go and made my exit at about 1:30am…the party continued without me. BTW this was a going away party thrown for Wande by friends because baby girl is going Wild Wild West Coast! Good luck Wande, I wish you all the best! I headed back to Seyi’s crib to chill with my hommie Omolola, we gisted till the wee hours of the morning! It was good to see my girl after 7 years! Wow…girl we rocked Ibadan in those days didn’t we boo? MeHn if I should die…this very day…. please note: I lived a fun filled life and I am grateful to have met all the wonderful people in my life! I drove back to NC in record time and stopped by the naija store….omo I am craving some fried goat meat stew…big time!  hmmmm....well at least they are related  Snapshot...ignore the dodo grease on my forehead  Dont know what the hell busola and mo were doing!  ......  Shola...looking fierce!  So long wande!  butts r us  crashing....1  crashing....2  Earth tones galore!  Bukkilicious....  checkout the mean shoe game!  .....  No.... I am not wearing contacts!  Moji niyi and I  Omolola and I just waking up
Friday, December 09, 2005Bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am bored! Bored Bored Bored!!!! What to do? Someone please help me, I need excitement! Its friday and I am bored out of my mind. I will blog shortly, as soon as I figure out what about!
Thursday, December 08, 2005Back in the day....sometimes I sit and wish I was a kid again!O my goodness. Today we gon go back way back in the days when we were in school. I have some pretty vivid memories of my High School days. I grew up in the States and at age 14 my parent felt like I needed to experience Naija first hand…damn the stories. They joined force and deceived my ass to go on vacation, I should have known they were up to sumtin considering they never agreed on anything. After a couple weeks, I was thrown into some ghetto ass school at first Methodist Grammar school in Ibadan….mehn it was horrid. I was beaten for not kneeling down on the assembly and telling the principal it was barbaric to ask us to do that. Then they beat my ass for not wearing uniform…as if? My aunt who I lived with at the time was not very cool, we didn’t do anything fun but I met a few folks (Tope Fawehimi, Funmi Palmer, Laoulu Coker and Busola Coker) around my way and they took me out to parties and stuff but it was getting old so I moved to Lagos. At first they threw me in Ifako International School in Iju…not a bad school but then I was friends with the proprietor's son so I chilled at their crib from time to time. I made some awesome friends; Bukky Ogundehin, Toyin, Mike, Benji and Tunde Gbadebo it was weird because I could barely speak Yoruba…I understood fully but my Yoruba was Egun-ish. I also met Deola Suberu who was from Jand and some Bisola chick that used to Lie that her mum went to Yankee to do groceries….Oh how dumb we were! After getting caught for writing a letter about the school matron and Housemaster panashukwing I left ISSI and moved in with my grandma. My grandma was one of those societal old ladies that refused to embrace old age, I honestly felt like she wanted to be like my cousins and I that’s why we didn’t get along. She put me in Apata Memorial High School in Isolo which was cool cause I met a lot of cool people and my cousins all lived with me (all our parents were in Yankee) and we collectively drove grandma crazy! I remember walking to school cause we lived in Isolo. I remember making friends with Remi even though she was in a different click, down with da click, Buhahaha and I was in Unique babes; My cousin bisi Akerele, Sinmbo Osude, Thelma Akpe and Bola Odegbami. I remember sneaking out of school and being chased by our pshyco proprietor the ‘Great Apata’ may his soul rest in peace. I remember getting flogged on my first day of school! I had on my bell bottom jeans and platform shoes (LOL) and feeling like the shit walking into the school compound. It was a shortlived because Apata ushered me to the front of the assembly and asked me to bend my back, I had no clue he was about to flog me! Imagine the nonsense! My crime apparently was not standing at attention during the pledge! I remember my then best friends and still my best friends Sinmbo Osude and Thelma Akpe and Remi Ladejobi. I remember knowing Moji then but being indifferent towards her because she was not popular. I remember dating Laja Adande and being jealous cause Joke liked him and she was cute. I remember Toun aroloye and my Ace back then Tope Awoye. I remember being the second most baffed up girl because no one could beat Tope (Even Today). I remember Bunmi Oyefodunrin (Gangster bitch) and The cute ex-navy chap…Femi sumtin. O lest I forget Tosin Oloye…badass and Wale Yussuf. I remember Mikilo and Abayomi Lawal. I remember a party that our rival click had on a soakaway and Nepa taking light and the heifers had no generator! I remember Remi coming back from Yankee our final year rocking her knee length cork heel boots and body hug. I remember Moji’s pop watch that was bigger than her head! I remember the girl had nasatall and was flat chested! (Look at her now!!) O my gawd! I remember mama sac! Her sweaty ass serving us contaminated rice! Damn! O sweet sweet memories…..Naija was the best 6 years of my life..fa real!!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005By popular demand...... here is the couple! An addition for Down with tha click Picture donor  
Break out your shades cause its bout to be bright up in this micky flick! Not only did Dayo and Tuoyo buy a mansion, they are now officially engaged! Dayo called me yesterday to tell me the wonderful news. I promised to come by her crib later to see the beautiful rock, my dawg Tuoyo planted on her finger. Let me tell you as my folks would say “Iroyin o to afojuba” the ring was like that! Round cut diamond on Platinum cathedral setting perfectly accentuated by the four brilliant round diamonds supporters on each side! After examining the ring and daydreaming, I listened to the romantic proposal that came with it. Tuoyo called Dayo up late at night after returning from work and convinced her to have dinner with him at the cheesecake factory (he chose a causal dining restaurant so she would not suspect what he was up to) Anywho….Dayo reluctantly joined him for dinner, she noticed Tuoyo was in high spirits (hell I would be too if I was returning to my 5 bedroom mansion) Okay so after dinner Tuoyo insisted that he wanted a cheesecake and Dayo rolled her eyes because a few minutes ago he just mentioned how stuffed he was. Dayo asked him to get the cheesecake to go but he told her he wanted to 'experience the cheesecake at the cheesecake factory'. Dayo remained seated grudgingly as they waited for the cheesecake to be served. The waiter came with a slice of cheesecake with a lit candle. Dayo was confused and thought perhaps they had mixed up the orders. Upon inspection she found that on the plate was written the words “Will you marry me?” Tuoyo got down on one knee and brought out a box which he opened and repeated the words “Will you marry me?” and what did my crazy ass girlfriend do? She snatched the ring out the box and placed it on her own finger! O lord!!!  There was an applause from the other patrons as they waited for her response. Finally in the midst of tears of joy Dayo yelled out “YES!!! YES I will” and the rest is rated R so I will spare you. A big congratualtions to Dayo and Tuoyo and I wish you all the good tidings a blissful marriage has to bring. Again…let the panashukwu begin!!
Inspired by Anon, I felt this was definitely a subject to be discussed. Hair maintenance is very important for women. Granted we all have our bad hair days but on the real we need to keep our hair on point. About six months ago I had a hair mishap and I applied glue to my hair thinking it was remover. I ended up shaving my entire skull Kojak style! Thankfully the look was not bad and I had the balls to wear it. Hair has not always been my strong suit as per I have none. The first mistake women make is trying to perm their hair at home….a big No No Then we sit in the mirror for hours trying to curl the shit….more like fry the rest of the hair we have. Then there are those makeshift weave you had your hommie put in for you, leaving you looking like beauty shop reject…..NA Let me not get started on the pony tails….that is so 80s! you slap on all the gel in the world and clip on some extension that is very obviously not yours! If you have a receding hairline….please do not get cornrows going all back…it just aint cute. And O my God those wigs…don’t get me started on the wigs from hell! I was stuck wearing a wig for about 3months because I got a new job and I did not want to seem too afro centric with my bald head lest I scare the white folks so on my way to the interview I bought a wig and slapped it on. I got the job and I was stuck with the wig for the 3 months my assignment lasted! That was horrid!!!! The reality of it is if you want to keep your do on point, you have to invest in it, or not...you could sport a low cut and texurize it as long as its not pubic hair coarse like mine! Or you could do an Afro and keep it natural, if you gat some Indian in ya family. Get your perm regularly and professionally Get a trim with the perm. Use good hair product…stay away from Dax and alcohol based Oil sheen Minimal use of heat Moisturize your mane. Wash it regularly…there is nothing cute about smelly hair! Try Pantene for black folks…off the shizzle! Tie a scarf when you sleep. There are several other horror hair stories but feel free to add yours.
Monday, December 05, 2005Getting to know youHopefully we’ll get to know each other this way…there are a ton of Nigerian folks on Blogspot and I think we should get to know each other, I saw this on Xanga and I think its cool so here is how it works. The Rules 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blogspot entry about their 5 weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their blogspot IDs. Can you dig it? Me first 1. I am obsessed with shoes, I sometimes get them 2 sizes too small if they are the last pair and I really like them….90% of my shoes are uncomfortable but I wear them anyway. 2. I have no cut cards, I am extremely outspoken and don’t necessarily think about what I am going to say next, I just say it and in retrospect I think about how I could have said it differently. 3. I am way too nice and I allow people to take advantage of me then I realize it later and I am bummed and I hate them for life. 4. I layout my entire outfit for each day the night before, including underwear, jewelry and shoes. 5. I have a really bad temper and when I get mad I vent and scream then I get quiet and cry. ( weirdo!!) ThE ThInGs I'd PrObaBlY NeVeR TeLl!... Confessions of the mind Monef Igo Wordu so-obscure
My Aces from MD came through this weekend; Mo, Bukky and LA. I made them fried rice and chicken only for the heifers to get here at 11 and tell me they were not hungry. We stayed up all night and fought for sleeping space. Bukky quickly resigned to the couch. I refuse to vacate my bed o! I mean, I cant sleep on the floor, I will get a crisis!! Okay so all three of us squeezed ourselves on my queen size bed. Bukky got up early for her hair appointment and decided to call my ass every 5 minutes for directions. On Saturday we decided to go shopping and catch a movie then get dinner and finally go bowling. Moji made reservations at Maggiano. We roamed the mall forever and bought everything our wallets allowed. By the time we were done shopping there was no time for a movie so we went to dinner. The food was aight! I ate calamari for the first time, it was good, La explained it was some sort of squid…eeewww!! We had chicken and mushroom pasta with grilled salmon and had cheesecake and some brule` crap for dessert. In my opinion we should had had efo riro and eba…but then no one asked me. I invited some of my Raleigh peeps to join us for bowling…Lolade, Dammy, Dayo, Bayo Dare, Myself and my MD folks ended up going…it was funnnnn! Considering I don’t know how the hell to bowl, I even wore the bowling shoes against my better hygiene judgment. My team won, thanks to Lolade, she was so good her scores made up for mine. After bowling we hung out outside the alley for about an hour, gisting and carrying on. On Sunday we barely made it to church, pastor’s sermon had me thinking about the changes I need to make in my life, I wish we had church twice a week that way I can stay focused on where I need to be, mehn being righteous is hard o!! So after church we went out to Mongolian grill for lunch, it was really cool to hang out with everyone. I am so glad that my peeps came for the weekend even though we fight all the time, its all love. It was hard to say goodbye but I will seem them again next weekend so it all good. After my girls left I went down to Tuoyo and Dayo’s new crib……MEHN talk about cribs fa real!!!! This house is absofuckinglutely magnificent! Mansion mehn! It has five bedrooms, a separate dining room two staircases! A deck, full basement that is bigger than my townhouse sef, and OMG the master bath! It had my dream closet in it HIS AND HERS that is the best crib I have ever been in for this yankee wahlai! Dayo and Tuoyo….I am so proud of yall! Your discipline has paid of majorly and God will continue to bless you beyond all your expectations. I beg let the panashukwu begin so we can fill those walls!!!! I headed home to get ready for the week…Damn! Monday again….back to reality!! (Scroll to the bottom for pictures!!)       
Friday, December 02, 2005Date from Hell!I got the most random phone call last night; I was in a mellow mood waiting for my egg to boil. I had this craving for indomie with boiled eggs and mixed vegetables, don’t ask, I have not been able to kick Naija out of my system, not sure I even want to but I digress, so my phone rings and I almost ignored it cause I did not recognize the number, but that would mean ignoring all calls cause I recently replaced my phone and cant remember anyone’s number. Anywho it was a 301 number so I am thinking its one of my hommies right? Wrong!!! It was a guy from like 2002. I wasn’t sure what to say to this dude, thoughts of him bring very disturbing memories I’d like to keep that way. So I try my darnest to be polite as per an early start on my New Year resolution. He told me he just came across my number and he wanted to see what I was up to. I told him life was dandy and that he caught me at a bad time because I was about to clock in at my 3rd job (hey…that was the best I could think of) I promised to call him over the weekend. After hanging up I replayed the horrid details of my encounter with this dude, I was laughing so hard it I started to cry…. literary at what my love life had reduce to, mehn I garishoes. Aight so here is the story…..My boss at the time, who you will hear more about BTW, decided to hook me up with one of his friends, I figured why not, I was newly single and he was Nigerian…sounds like a plan, I mean worst case scenario…we don’t click and errybody goes their way. The guy calls me up and we chat on the phone about the usual, what do you do, where’d you go to school, what do you do for fun and crap of the sort. We decided to go out that Friday because we both had the day off and I had plans to go out of town for the weekend. I wanted to make it a day date so he picked me up at about 3 for a late lunch. I dressed very casually because it was like 100 degrees outside and we were just doing lunch and a movie. Molayo was at school and my girlfriend was over my crib. I looked in the peep hole as he knocked and all I could see was a huge head, I became very nervous and asked my girlfriend to get the door and say that I had an emergency, she was like “hell na”! I opened the door to find this 5 foot guy standing there with stained buck teeth and dressed in brown slacks and a peach leather coat (did I mention it was 100 degrees?). We exchanged greetings and headed out. He asked me where I wanted to eat and I was planning on going to Lex but I dine there so often, I could not bear to take him there dressed like Bobo the clown, so I suggested Cheesecake Factory, he said the wait was too long and I agreed. Then I suggested my TGIF and he said their food was lousy, at that point I told him to pick a place because I pretty much eat all kinds of food. He said he remembers me saying I liked Chinese food and he knows this great spot in Arlington(Please note, I lived in Lanham Arlington is about an 1.25 hours away). I figured it must be a fabulous restaurant so I agreed. After driving for about 15 minutes I started to sweat so I asked if he could turn the air on, he politely informed me that the AC in his car did not work and I should roll down the window. By the time we got to Arlington I was drenched in sweat. I patted my forehead dry as we headed to what appeared to be a carryout! Oh hell na! Please tell me this bama did not just drive my ass 70 miles to come to a carry out! I sat quietly as it donned on me that this shit was happening fa real! I picked up the paper menu to order because I really was hungry as hell and to my dismay everything on the menu was $3.60! Is this a freaking joke? I ordered beef with broccoli and bottle water and the cashier told him the cost and the next thing I heard was….’water is $1.25?’ he asked the cashier with disbelief. I found an empty table and ate in silence. After the meal, I was ready to go home, I told him I was exhausted and we should do the movie thing another time. He asked me if everything was alright and I said yes and he said he has really been looking forward to this date and I should go see the movie with him. I felt bad and I agreed. At the theater he asked me for my student ID! Huh!!!!No he dirent! I looked at him alarmingly and then I said “Its 5’o’clock! It’s a matinee and you can’t get a student discount, its $5.00!” he laughed and said “Oh OK”. It was a Chris Rock Comedy but I could not laugh, I was just thinking about the 100 things I’d rather be doing. After the movie I insisted he take me home. He had the nerve to ask me if I had a good time….AS IF!!! I thanked him for lunch and the movie and told him I did not think we should see each other again, he looked disappointed, I was furious, and I could not wait till Monday to tell my boss about himself. On Monday I marched in my boss’ office and he smiled and asked me “how’d it go?” I looked at him pissed as hell “ Are you kidding me? What did you think me and your friend possibly have in common?” I told him about my date and he laughed so hard he fell out his chair! I guess the joke was on me. Not sure if there was a lesson to be learned from that experience and I am usually not judgemental but Dayum!!!! I aint saying I’m a gold digger but I’ll be damned if I mess with a broke niggar!
Thursday, December 01, 2005Ordering Pizza in 2007.....LMAO!!Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?" Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order." Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?" Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610." Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@home.net. Which number are you calling from, sir?" Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?" Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir." Customer: "The HSS, what is that?" Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time" Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd Like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas." Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir." Customer: "Whaddya mean?" Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice." Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?" Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it. Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?" Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your Local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion." Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then." Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99." Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number." Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit." Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here." Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn also." Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?" Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward." Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?" Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repro'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday" Customer: "Well I'll be a @#%/$@&?#!" Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?" Customer: (Speechless) Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?" Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke". Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"
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