Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Headlines from the year 2034

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the 7th largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
* White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in Bushra; the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).
* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 115; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
* Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
* Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
****Extra****
*Nigerian President, Bola Odegbami AKA QueenB, executes all men found cheating!


ROTFLMAO!! Someone emailed this to me!
Posted by Queenb :: 3:16 AM :: 7 comments

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