Sunday, January 01, 2006

Sinful Pleasures

Mama is hot no doubt. I am not talking Oprah Winfrey hot, you know in a mummy kinda way, na, I am talking Lisa Ray kinda hot, the kinda hot that makes all your male friends spend extra time in the kitchen with her and all your girlfriend seek fashion advice and beauty tips from her. Hell at 45 her boobs still stands at attention and her waist is as small as it was 26 years ago, no evidence of the three kids she bore, the natural way no less. I have always had great admiration for her, don’t know if I could do what she did, raised 3 kids on her own without a man, you see our dad left when my youngest brother was born, never got the full gist but I think it had something to do with my brother’s birth, cause Mama was not even back from the hospital when daddy made his leave. I was four and my brother Temitope was 2, but you would never know daddy wasn’t there, Mama was so stubborn she refuses the state mandated child support she was awarded, she said she could do it on her own… I never understood that, neither did I understand why dad was so bitter. I tried to reach out to him a few times but he never warmed up to me, oh well, I guess some dudes were just born dead beats. It broke my heart because I would often wake up from Mama’s sob and I would hold her till she fell asleep, she wouldn't know why she was crying but it never failed, 3 to 4 nights a week since I was 4 years old. I vowed that that would not be me, I am going to find me a man, who will love me unconditionally and would never leave me and our kids alone and cause me to cry myself to sleep each night, and if I couldn’t find such a man, I would die alone cause lord knows I’d rather be alone, than be unhappy.
I am 26 now and I have been dating this guy since High School, off and on of course because I had decided that men were just some unstable creatures and I was not going to put my most sacred eggs in just one basket, so I dated other men, different race, different culture, in search of that Prince I was sure God had prepared for me. Charles was patient though, he told me our first year together that I would be his wife, he watched me with love as I tested the waters and when I came back empty handed, he was always right there. It took us 10 years to get here but I am convinced he was sent down from heaven to be my husband. News of our engagement sent Mama into a depression spell, I am sure she is happy for me, this is what she’d always wanted…. right? We’d talked about this and I have adhered to the plan exactly as she prayed…. what is the problem? I was mad, not at my sweet unselfish mum that has sacrificed her entire life for my brothers and I but at that man who fertilized her eggs and then abandoned them, the coward that did not care enough to fight…to stick it out! I had had it…. tomorrow, I will find this man and I will ask him questions and I will not leave until I have answers.

My answers were not what I expected. He welcomed me with open arms, offered me a drink and some food he had cooked himself he assured. I was not there to eat, I told him coldly. “I am not going to beat around the bush” I prepared him, “Why’d you leave us? It wasn’t for another woman because you still haven’t married. You have no other children so its not that you are pre-occupied, what is it? What did we ever do to you daddy?” I cried desperately. I could tell he was fighting back the tears and after an uncomfortable silence he said “Ifedapo my dear, you are much older now so I guess the time is right. I do have another child or maybe I should say did. His name is Obatayo, he is much older than you about 40 years old now exactly, I had him when I was 17, his mother died while giving birth to him and I thought I could never love again until I met your mother. I was much older than her but in those days it was all right. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on and wanted her to be my wife. I vowed to take care of her till my dying day and we were quickly married. She was a good wife but an even better step mum to Oba despite their closeness in age. We quickly had you and your brother one year apart. Life was blissful to say the least we would travel abroad on vacations and throw feasts on holidays. It was important to your mum that she stayed at home because you guys were so young and needed your mum. The arrangement was fine with me because I ran businesses and they were all at their peak. My world shattered shortly after your brother was born, the doctors said he was anemic, he needed blood and your mum had lost so much during her long labor. To further complicate matters, he was diagnosed with Sickle Cell disease. I told the doctors this was impossible considering I am AA and your mum is AS, worst case scenario, he should only have a trait, the doctors insisted that the tests were accurate, so your mum and I were tested. The test revealed that I was not Enitan’s biological father” at this point my father was pale; a familiar look of disappointment was on his face. Tears were pouring from his eyes, I couldn’t help it, I wailed as I sat frozen pinching into my own skin! This must be a joke or better yet a nightmare; any minute now someone will wake me…right? We sat quietly for a few minutes then he continued, “I looked at your mum and the doctor left us, all the blood drained from her face, she was as white as a ghost! ‘Honey, is it true? Tell me who? Why? How? When?’ I could not stop the questions, she seem so happy, barely left the house, never said or did anything that would cause me to suspect she was unfaithful. I waited for a response and rage took over me and I strangled her, I strangled her with the intention to kill her. I would kill her as she had just killed me, she fought for her life but I held her down and shouted ‘WHO? WHO? WHO?’ I release her and she whispered with her dying breath ‘Oba..Oba….Obatayo and then she passed out. I confronted Obatayo because I was sure I had misunderstood. He confirmed it, told me they had fallen in love since the day she moved in with us. He begged me for forgiveness but how do you even begin to forgive that?” I was frozen with shock, with anger, with disgust, at this point I was no longer crying, I felt numb “My dear there is more” my father continued “Obatayo is your father and Temitope's father as well”………To be continued
Posted by Queenb :: 10:24 PM :: 9 comments

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